Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
