he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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