I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize