On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
