That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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