I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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