lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
