I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize