I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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