dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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