So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
