you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Someone came in the potted fern
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
