i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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