Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
