Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
