I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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