He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
