May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
