are you still at the devil's house?
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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