seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
