life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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