All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
