I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize