we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
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