i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
