Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Randomize
