I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
