do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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