Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I understand Curling. That high.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
True strength comes from lack of pants
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
