I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
