The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
