I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
