My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
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