so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
