I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
