I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize