Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
