So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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