Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
