Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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