She's JV to your varsity
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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