Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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