it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Alive.
So much puke
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
