2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
