oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
