We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
