giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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