I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
