I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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