i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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