We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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