508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
