The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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