apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I'm like, not good at living.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
