When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
