I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
