based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
