oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Randomize
