It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
