im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize