the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
