I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
