me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I think weed is turning my hair brown
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
