you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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