textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
My vagina is very pro this idea
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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