I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
