When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
