dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
