everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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