she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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