I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
